Isolation...

They tell you that motherhood is the most rewarding job you will ever have.

What they don't tell you is how your children will be cruel at times and loving at others.

What they don't tell you is how your life is dictated by the children, the house and if you work, your job.

I am sure my experiences as a mother, are not typical.

I have a husband who barely helps and will only help if I ask. He has parents who firmly believe that everything and I mean everything is the wife's job. This includes getting up at three in the morning to make his breakfast and lunch. I refuse to do this.

Recently I had an epic flip out. During which I told my husband some things that I do not regret and some that I do. I was made to feel guilty in the end like everything is my fault and I am the one who needs to do more.

During this epic flip out I made a daily chore sheet that was linked to each day. My in-laws saw this and automatically assumed it was my oldest chores and proceeded to snap on me. I kindly explained that this was the entire chore list for the house, not one single persons chores.

It was my hope to show my oldest that she actually does very little in the grand scheme of things. My husband in his infinite wisdom decided to allot each item a price and at the end of the month do a total and pay each person for the work they did. Sounds like a good plan...

Since Monday all the stupid chore list has done is show me how much I do in a day since no one, including the husband,  wants to help. I could clearly see that I was picking up everyone's slack on top of looking after the baby and preschooler all day.

Last night I ripped it down. The notion that my husband was going to pay my oldest to make lunch drove me over the edge. I don't get paid to make breakfasts or lunch neither should she.

My epic flip out on Friday last week got me no where. It was quickly forgotten.

Here I sit alone and isolated yet again. I watch the youngest two all day and do not get a break. When they nap I am taking care of the house.

They tell you motherhood is the most rewarding job you will ever have. Where is the reward?!